When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
