Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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