I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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