Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize