he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
