I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
