You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
