watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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