forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
