When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
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Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
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woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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