Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
