Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
