Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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