I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
