After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
