Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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