I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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