my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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