If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
