Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
