I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
This baby is an asshole
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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