spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
