Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
