i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
