Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
