She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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