I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
