he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
