He kissed a someone with a penis
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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