i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
