found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Drunk is not a location!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
