jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
