just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
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I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
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In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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