I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
