I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
