At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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