I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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