I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
