You kept calling me your small dog last night.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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