Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
