I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
