There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
