between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
