she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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