...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
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