i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
