Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
