there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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