Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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