I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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