booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I don't deserve a penis
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
