Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
