put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
