Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
