you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
