I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
nutella sex= disaster
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
