I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
