You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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