Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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