My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
