I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
