Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
how does that bad decision feel?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
