this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
