why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Randomize
