There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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