I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
