naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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