I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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