i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
