My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
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