Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
