You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
