i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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