At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
