Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I look better un-naked...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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